


The Basestar of Love

by ingridmatthews



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-01
Updated: 2010-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-05 14:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ingridmatthews/pseuds/ingridmatthews
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Join us aboard the Basestar of Love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Basestar of Love

The ultimatum didn't go as planned.

"Dee, you have to choose," Billy insisted in what he felt was a stern enough tone, squeaks at the end of every sentence notwithstanding. "It's either me or him."

He jerked a thumb toward Gaeta, who stood beside him, his shoulders drooping and an odd air of foreboding emanating from him, practically in waves. "Or else."

Dualla had many talents, this much Billy knew, but her ability to raise one eyebrow nearly to her hairline was a new one. "Really? Or else what?"

Even without looking, Billy could _feel_ Gaeta's wince. This confrontation had seemed so simple in theory, why was it being so difficult in reality?

"Well ... well, you know what's going to happen," he stammered. "I'll ... I'll ... we'll ..." He took a deep, determined breath. "You _know_ what's gonna happen."

There. That would tell her.

If Dee was disconcerted, it didn't show. "Hmm. I see." She crossed her arms over her chest. Her tone became airy. "All right, I'll choose." She circled them slowly, examining them both with broad -- and embarrassing -- up and down looks, crotch to feet to head, back to crotch again.

Billy felt his face burn, all the way to his scalp. This was _so_ not going the way he'd planned it.

Thankfully, Dee eventually stopped the leering. She cleared her throat. "I've made my decision."

Thank the gods, Billy thought, relieved. "Great."

"I choose both of you." A pause. "At the same time. In the same bed."

Gaeta's wince turned into a full-blown cringe.

Billy's mouth dropped to somewhere near his collarbone. "What?!" He shook his head frantically. "You can't do that! That's not one of the choices!"

"It is now," Dee rejoined with a shrug. "Or, both of you are free to go back to your bunks and start dating the Goddess Palm and her Five Muses again. That's _your_ choice."

With that, she turned shortly on one military-issued heel. "See you two geniuses in my rack. Or not," she called back, not bothering to turn around.

"What just happened here?" Billy asked weakly of no one in particular.

Hands clutching at both sides of his head, Gaeta could only groan. "Nice work, idiot. I told you she didn't like being ordered around. It's not like her _superior officer_ would know anything about that."

Billy couldn't stop gaping after her. "She's got to be kidding. She's kidding, right?"

"She's not kidding," Gaeta said, his face contorting into all sorts of horrible expressions of misery. "Gods. You couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?"

"Now what are we going to do?"

Gaeta shook his head and marched off, with that peculiar clipped gait used by almost all of _Galactica's_ personnel. "I'm going back to work. Oh, and grease up Goddess Palm for a date. I suggest you do the same."

Horrified, Billy stared at his hand. Oh ... no, not again.

He would have to think of _something_ else.

~*~

"We can make a go of this," Billy said to Gaeta one night, when the thought of never _ever_ being with Dee again started to wear on his nerves to the point of near insanity.

Unfortunately, the Senior Officer of the Watch didn't look that sure. "I don't know about that," Gaeta said, pulling nervously at his collar. He looked as tense as Billy felt. "I mean, no offense, but you're not quite my type. It would be like frakking around with a weirdly tall version of myself."

Luckily, Billy had brought insurance. He held up a nearly full bottle of ambrosia. "How about we talk about this over drinks?"

Half a bottle later in the rec and Billy tried again. "We could probably work this out in such a way where we don't have to have actual _contact_ with each other while this is going on."

Jacket unbuttoned, his dog tags swinging over the dirty glass, Gaeta examined him with bleary eyes. "I've been studying tactical maneuvering for most of my adult life. Take it from me that there is NO way complete avoidance can be achieved in such a situation. Sorry pal, it'll be 'load the torpedoes' and 'look out below' all the way to the Basestar of Love."

Undeterred, Billy poured him another glass, nearly overflowing it. "How about if we get really drunk?"

Gaeta swayed in his chair and leaned in so close, Billy could feel his breath against his nose. "We could try that."

Billy took another quick swig, tapping his foot impatiently. Gods, he was horny. "Okay, are you drunk enough now?"

"Not even close," Gaeta demurred. Unsteadily, he tilted the bottle to his mouth and drained it straight to the bottom. Once it was finished, his eyes widened slightly, then narrowed back down to blurry slits. "Now I am."

"Great," Billy said, pulling him up and dragging him toward the hallway leading to Dee's rack. "I hope she's there."

"So do I," Gaeta agreed, stumbling after him. "She still has my good underwear over there somewhere."

~*~

Yet another wonderful plan went to waste that night, when Billy arrived at Dee's bunk, ready, willing and able to have the threesome she'd demanded, only to find that someone else had already absconded their place in her bed.

"Wow guys, you aren't as gutless as we thought you'd be," said Starbuck, shamelessly naked beneath a thin layer of sheets, leaning casually against Dee's similarly bare shoulder. "I'm impressed."

Dee, at least, had the decency to look a tad uncomfortable. A _tiny_ tad. "I'm very sorry, but you need to schedule these things a little better."

"Schedule?" Billy choked, as next to him Gaeta doubled over with laughter. "But ... "

"Seriously, come back tomorrow," Dee said, shooing them away. She _was_ smiling, which was a slight relief, he guessed. "It's not like this thing will hold four anyway."

"But ... but ... Dee!"

She ignored him and went back to doing ... whatever it was she doing with Starbuck.

By the gods, it was pointless. Billy allowed Gaeta to pull him away, even as he stammered his protests. So unfair, he thought miserably, as Gaeta forced them to a stop by _his_ sleep area.

He was swaying less now, but still smiling. He leaned in and whispered closely in Billy's ear. "Whatta say, pal? Give old Hot Pants back there a run for her cubits?"

Billy frowned, but gods, it had been _weeks_ since he'd gotten any. "All right," he sighed, sitting down on the edge of Gaeta's rack. He pulled clumsily at his tie and toed off his shoes. "Load the below, look out for the torpedos."

"Close enough," Gaeta replied cheerfully, whipping his jacket off in one smooth movement. "Onward to the Basestar of Love."

~*~  
end


End file.
